It's pretty easy to buy stocking stuffers for little boys--candy, Hot Wheels, train stickers, socks. The hard part comes when you have to buy stocking stuffers for the husband. This year, I bought a few things on-line, but my main plan was to stick a bottle of Jameson in the top of his stocking. That takes up a lot of room, right? Problem solved. Mischief managed.
Yesterday afternoon, my husband came home from work and I heard, from the other room, the sounds of the liquor cabinet opening. "Did you go to the liquor store?" I asked, a little apprehensive.
"Yes, I just got a bottle of Jameson."
"Oh." That was a bit of an upset. Everyone knows you're not supposed to buy ANYTHING for yourself around Christmastime, just in case somebody is already planning to gift it to you. I decided to admit my disappointment to the world. "I was going to buy a bottle of Jameson for your stocking."
"Oh. Sorry. But you know I only have so much time to drink during my school break, so I need to get started right away." An amusing statement, but a true one. My husband attends a Quaker university, and has signed (and actually observes) a pledge that doesn't allow him to consume alcohol during the semester.
"OK, I guess I'll have to think of something else for your stocking."
I made dinner that night--worthy of mention because it doesn't happen all the time. Unfortunately, I decided to fry something in oil, a process which I both hate and am not very good at. Ergo, dinner was burnt. Ergo, I felt like a failure as a cook, a wife, a mother, and a person.
My husband tried his best to console me--"It wasn't as bad as when the nachos caught on fire last week."--but somehow, my spirits failed to lift. At last he said, "Do you have any tonic water?"
"I bought you a bottle of gin for your stocking, but it sounds like you might need it now."
What a wonderful man! And in other news, it looks like we're both out of ideas for stocking stuffers.... Back to the drawing board.